Momma Dog

Have you ever been around those momma dogs who have a litter of pups who have just about sucked her dry?  She's so skinny that you can count every single rib along her frail,  exhausted body.  She is laying there (because that's about all she can do), minding her own business, when five or six of those furry little balls of pure energy come around groveling for a nipple.  And they all latch on to her teets (is that even a word?!),  and guess what?  She's not having it.  She quickly gets up and moves away from those little milk suckers and plants herself somewhere else. They hold on for dear life, but eventually fall off ONE. AT. A TIME. as she is hurrying away.  She might even let out a little scowl or growl, as if to say, "I'm past the point of exhaustion here.  Just let me rest...or else." 

As non-PC as this is, that is how I often feel.  Not literally, of course.  I only have two boys, not a litter.  And they are four and three, so they have definitely been off the boob for quite some time.  And I would most definitely need a DSM-V diagnosis  if I ever thought I were that skinny and frail. But the two that I do have are highly active, very strong-willed, and are absolutely not interested in defeat under any circumstances.  And quite often, I am engaged in a full-on battle of control in my home, which is absolutely exhausting.  Hence, the need to shake them off from time to time.  So, I get that momma dog. She needs a break.

Even with chronic exhaustion that comes with my husband's military deployment, my own military involvement, getting ready for medical school and attempting to be the best mom that I can be for my two boys, I would not change my life.  Tweak?  Sure.  Refine?  Absolutely.  But change?  I think not.  I am exactly where God wants me to be.  And my boys? My "let's test mom in every way imaginable and ask her the same question 5,265,439 times in hopes of a different answer" boys?  Well, they are fearfully and wonderfully made by the master of the universe!

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Psalm 139: 13-14

God has gifted them to me.  They are a treasure.  And I am so thankful that their innocent little lives have been entrusted to my husband and I.  So, when I am dealing with the days where I feel like momma dog and just want to take my weary body somewhere and be alone in the quiet, I try to remember how blessed I am to have them!  What a privilege it is to experience the love that only a parent knows!

Thank you for reading my blog.  It truly is mainly just a means of therapy for myself, as my anxiety has naturally gotten a bit excessive with so much change taking place in my life.  Journaling definitely helps deal with that to some degree.  But if you would like to come along, you are certainly welcome!  

Until next time,

K 

I'm struggling! Oh, and welcome to my blog.

The idea of blogging has intrigued me for quite some time, as I have found myself fascinated time and time again by the thoughtful ideas and feelings of individuals who I often know very little, or not at all.  Yet, I have never made the plunge.  Until now.  I suspect the appropriate way to start a blog is to offer an introduction of sorts, a little insight into who you are and what you have to offer the reader.  But here's the deal:  I have no idea what I am doing.  I just know this- I am sitting at my computer with an empty bag of veggie chips at 12:11 in the morning.  An empty bag.  My precious but extremely demanding little boys are sleeping peacefully in my bed upstairs.  In my bed. And I just ended a skype conversation with my husband in Afghanistan who has been dodging rockets this weekend.  Dodging rockets.  So guess what,  friends?  I am a mess.  A big ole' messy messy messy mess.  And the empty bag of chips, the lack of boundaries with my children, and the stress of a military deployment prove it.

So don't expect to find recipes and goodies here.  To the women who are master coupon clippers, gourmet cooks, smock embroiderers and experts in all things domestic, you truly have superpowers.  I applaud you.  I often wish I were like you.  But alas,  I'm not that girl. So if you'll just allow me to use this venue as an outlet to express concerns, frustrations, ideas, and on occasion, raw emotion, I would be so appreciative to you! 

One last thing.  I am a Christian.  My relationship with my savior defines me.  Some of you will quit reading now.  Some will become uncomfortable.  But as I struggle, miss my husband, worry over the things I might not be getting right as a wife, a mother, sister, daughter, or friend (and believe me, there are plenty),  my hope comes from the Lord.  And because He gives me grace, I can move forward.  It's too big a part of me not to include it here.  And as I go to bed tonight (on an air mattress beside my bed), I will be singing the old hymn...

Just a closer walk with Thee,

Grant it Jesus is my plea

Daily walking close to Thee

Let it be, Dear Lord, Let it be.

Until we meet again...

Katherine